Friday, March 21, 2008

Southern Women

I know this post is going to get me in trouble, but the secret needs to get out. No man is safe until it does.

There is a false stereotype out there, and it involves none other than this demure, apparently sweet Southern Ladies who present themselves as saintly little creatures.

This is, quite simply, a LIE! They use that sweet little accent to get men to do things for them, and the repayment? They viciously rip him to shreads! They leave men quaking, no longer even able to form coherent words, much less complete sentences!

What brings on this tirade, you ask? Let me explain.

There has been a disturbance in the force here in Cincinnati. Two long lost Southern Bells have been reunited. As I said above, this is NOT a good thing for any male around!

The 'host' is a good friend of mine, on her own, she is formidable. However, I learned as I spoke with her this morning, that when paired with 'the Visitor,' HELL is breaking loose! Even the Devil is scared!

The 'Visitor' asked to speak with me on the phone. Less than two minutes later, I was quaking, fear oozing from every pore. This is from a woman I have not yet even met, and I am scared.

Now, lest you think I am just a chicken and don't know how to deal with women after 12 years in primarily male dominated arenas (8 in sem, 2 teaching in all boys school, and 2 as vocation director), I need to remind you that I had three, count em: THREE! older sisters growing up. While my dear sisters are all formidable in their own right, they stand no chance against these two supposed 'Southern Bells.'

The secret is now out, gentlemen. Avoid these apparently sweet and innocent creatures called 'Southern Bells!' They will destroy you!


barb said...

I have a sister-in-law and two nieces who are Southern belles and I know exactly what you mean...hehe....

Belle 1 & Belle 2 said...

My dear Father,

You may think this pre-emptive strike will save you - you are incorrect!! It has only annoyed the hornet's nest!

May God have mercy on your soul!

Kat said...

Well Father,

I think you might be in trouble. I hope those belles give you a run for your money!

Yet another Southern Belle


Adoro te Devote said...


I gotta be honest with you...Northern Ladies are just as bad. I should know...I am one. Although I'm not like the others...I'm, in fact, a long as I'm not backed into a corner, and then never mind the claws just get the heck out of my way!


Good luck with your Southern Belle problem. Wish I knew the real story there1 LOL!

And, as a corllary...this is part of that fallen nature of women. God has given us a particular feminine power, and when it is good, it is very very good for the entire world (Think Mary, but she was perfect)...and when it is bad...

I learned this in great depth when I worked in adolescent psych. And that made me prefer to work with even the most violent boys. Because at least then we knew where we stood and when to duck. With girls, we never knew what or whom was coming with what weapon.

God have mercy on you, indeed!

Anonymous said...

First of all if after all those of years of living with your sisters you didn't learn to get out of our way when we are on a mission you must have had your head in the sand somewhere. Secondly if you men would just understand that we women keep you straight, find all your lost items (especially your Dad he would be in a fog all day if I did not help him find things) where would you be. Then I have to think of the times I got the desperation calls from you to have help getting your room organized ( by the way I think I am to be scheduled for a weekend of doing just that again). I think I need to call your sisters and have them check your blog today, well, LOOOKKK OUT and be ready to duck.

Lots of Love to you


Anonymous said...

formidable in our own right huh. I think I remember counting 1,2,3 slam the door thank you to you when you were growing up. We have just learned to hold our own. You men have made us this way. I agree with mom, we have to do it all for you.

Without us you'd be lost.

Love ya though,

Father Schnippel said...


You seem to have a fog growing, surely that was not I doing such things growing up! That had to be Kurt!

(I had to get recognition somehow from all you sisters!)

Belle 2 said...

Dear Ladies of Fr. Kyle's Early Life,

I KNEW that Fr. Kyle's behavior was NOT due to lack of training from you all in his early formative years - but rather his somewhat slowness of getting and then remembering the lessons!!

I am here to assist is the re-education!

Anonymous said...

You may be thankful that you had two brothers along with those two sisters. Thnik of my husband in a house of now four 'women'.

The southern belles might be dangerous, but if you remember back my best friend and I could put men into a whirlwind.

But as the others have said, without us women, you men would be completely lost.

Take care and LOL.


Father Schnippel said...


You're one of THREE sisters. Who you trying to cut out of the will?

And yes, I pray for Dave, Nick and Aaron for having to deal with you three.

And they say celibacy is a bad thing? 'They' never met my sisters!

(Love you all lots!)

Anonymous said...

the best way to deal with a southern belle, is to just say "I was wrong, You are right" or if you're married to one, "yes my queen."

Belle 2 said...

Dear Father,

I think that Cordelia has the best advice for you!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Father, Southern Belle's have the fine art of man manipulation down to a science--you are in trouble! I will pray for you! Just remember they are not as sweet and innocent as they make one believe--if they ask you to do anything--before you agree, separate yourself from them first, so you can clear your head.

a thorn in the pew said...

My but this is funny. In your "spare time" you should give us a Top 10 of characteristics to look out for with the Southern Belle. Unless, of course, the backlash from 1 and 2 would be too great.