Church Bulletin Bloopers

Apparently, these actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced during church services:

•    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

•    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."

•    The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

•    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

•    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

•    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

•    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

•    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

•    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

•    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:     "Break Forth Into Joy."

•    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days!

•    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

•    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

•    Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

•    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

•    The church will host an evening of fine dining, supper entertainment and gracious hostility.

•    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

•    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

•    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

•    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

•    The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

•    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

•    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

•    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:   "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"